Even the Weekly World News thinks Bush is an idiot
NEW WHITE HOUSE SHOCKER!
PRESIDENT TO NAME YODA HOMELAND SECURITY CHIEF
Bush refuses to change his mind even after learning Yoda isn't real
IN a bombshell revelation that shocked even his closest Republican supporters, President George W. Bush announced that his new director of Homeland Security would be Yoda, the famed Jedi master from the Star Wars films.
White House insiders reveal that Bush got the idea after watching the new Stars Wars DVD set he said Santa gave him for Christmas.
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one administration source tells Weekly World News that Cabinet members were shocked when Bush announced his decision. Vice President Dick Cheney reportedly blurted out, "But Yoda doesn't exist!" Still, the President refused to budge. "Bush shot back, 'So what?,' " says the source. " 'I'm the president. If I say we're winning the war in Iraq, then we're winning it. If I say Saddam and Al Qaeda are linked, then they are. If I say we'll find weapons of mass destruction there, then we will -- eventually. Trust me on that one.' "
Adds the source, "As usual, Bush refused to change his mind even after learning that Yoda isn't real."
Instead, Bush told the Cabinet he was especially impressed with Yoda's 500-year track record in "fighting evildoers, like that Garth Vader guy."
He added, "And I'm particularly interested in his ability to sense fluctuations in The Force caused by evil acts. I see that ability to be an asset in predicting when and where our most vile enemies, like Osama Bin Laden, Abu al-Zarqawi and Michael Moore, will strike."
Even top political advisor Karl Rove tried to dissuade the President, pointing out that Yoda dies in Star Wars: Episode VI -- Return of the Jedi. But the President just clamped his hands over his ears and screamed, "Don't tell me what happens! I haven't seen that one yet."
PRESIDENT TO NAME YODA HOMELAND SECURITY CHIEF
Bush refuses to change his mind even after learning Yoda isn't real
IN a bombshell revelation that shocked even his closest Republican supporters, President George W. Bush announced that his new director of Homeland Security would be Yoda, the famed Jedi master from the Star Wars films.
White House insiders reveal that Bush got the idea after watching the new Stars Wars DVD set he said Santa gave him for Christmas.
...
one administration source tells Weekly World News that Cabinet members were shocked when Bush announced his decision. Vice President Dick Cheney reportedly blurted out, "But Yoda doesn't exist!" Still, the President refused to budge. "Bush shot back, 'So what?,' " says the source. " 'I'm the president. If I say we're winning the war in Iraq, then we're winning it. If I say Saddam and Al Qaeda are linked, then they are. If I say we'll find weapons of mass destruction there, then we will -- eventually. Trust me on that one.' "
Adds the source, "As usual, Bush refused to change his mind even after learning that Yoda isn't real."
Instead, Bush told the Cabinet he was especially impressed with Yoda's 500-year track record in "fighting evildoers, like that Garth Vader guy."
He added, "And I'm particularly interested in his ability to sense fluctuations in The Force caused by evil acts. I see that ability to be an asset in predicting when and where our most vile enemies, like Osama Bin Laden, Abu al-Zarqawi and Michael Moore, will strike."
Even top political advisor Karl Rove tried to dissuade the President, pointing out that Yoda dies in Star Wars: Episode VI -- Return of the Jedi. But the President just clamped his hands over his ears and screamed, "Don't tell me what happens! I haven't seen that one yet."
posted by LexMonkey at 6/30/2005 05:01:00 PM ||
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